Well, Wolfspeed just got taken out back and shot by the market. Shares cratered nearly 50% in a single session today, faceplanting to $2.81—their lowest level since 1998, back when nobody had ever heard the word “semiconductor” outside of a RadioShack. That’s a 59% nosedive just this year and an 82% implosion over the last twelve months. Melt = down. (Source: Giphy) In short, Wolf has been on life support for months, just waiting for someone to pull...
A few years ago, my wife and I booked a five-day Bahamas cruise on Carnival. It cost us about $299 a person… less than most hotel rooms (for 2 nights). And while it wasn’t luxurious, it was fun. Really fun. We ate Guy Fieri burgers, grabbed pizza at 2 a.m., and sat poolside with a frozen drink in hand while the DJ blasted ‘90s throwbacks. Sure, the crowd was iffy (families, honeymooners, and the occasional guy in Crocs making a meal out of ranch dressing) but that cruise remin...
So there I was, just another guy doom-scrolling through YouTube at 1 a.m., trying to figure out if the Tennessee Titans were actually gonna trade the #1 pick or draft Cam Ward and pray he doesn’t turn into the next Zach Wilson. And right next to a “Top 10 draft busts” video, I see something that made me do a double take: “Tucker Carlson Interviews Sam Bankman-Fried… FROM PRISON.” You read that right. The crypto goblin himself doing damage control from...
So, Lululemon dropped their earnings and, on paper, it didn’t look half bad. They beat on revenue. They beat on earnings. They even boasted that full-year $10.6 billion topline like it was their favorite pair of Align leggings. But Wall Street couldn’t care less. Why? Because Calvin McDonald went full Eeyore on the earnings call, talking up inflation, soft U.S. traffic, and a consumer who’s apparently too broke (or too over it) to shell out $128 for stretchy pants (that may or...
Well, well, well, what did I say at the end of Friday’s Final Tally article? ICYMI, I said it’s only a matter of time before Elon decides to wreak havoc in the markets with another headline—and guess what? Today is that day. This time, Elon Musk is keeping bean counters sweating at night as the Financial Times is calling out a $1.4 billion gap in Tesla’s capex reporting. Bigly. (Source: Giphy) In short, Tesla claims to have spent $6.3 billion on property a...
The stock market is doing that weird thing where bad news keeps piling up, but somehow, bulls are sticking around as if the whole month of March wasn’t a friggin’ bloodbath. The S&P 500 eked out a 0.16% gain on Tuesday, marking its third straight green session, and the Nasdaq tacked on 0.46%. Meanwhile, the Dow did a whole lot of nothing, inching up by a whopping four points—or as us traders call it, a rounding error. (Source: Giphy) The bad news I was...
If you ever needed a reason to believe that you can come back from almost anything (besides Tiger winning The Masters again)… just look at Carvana. This company went from pandemic superstar to irrelevant in record time. At its peak in 2021, Carvana (aka the car vending machine company) was cruising at $360 a share. As interest rates shot up and used car prices cooled, Carvana’s business model hit a brick wall. By December 23, 2022, the stock had cratered to $3.55. Th...
The stock market took one look at Trump’s latest tariff tease and decided, “Yeah, we hate this.” The S&P 500 sank 1.12%, the Dow coughed up 132 points, and the Nasdaq got absolutely bodied, dropping 2.04%. The tech sector was the biggest casualty, with Nvidia collapsing nearly 6%, while Meta, Amazon, and Tesla all got slapped around, each losing over 2%. (Source: Giphy) The sell-off hit a new level of ugly after the White House confirmed that Trump would be...
There was a time when Rivian was the Palantir of the EV sector. The cool EV startup that was supposed to come out of nowhere and sucker punch Elon Musk in the face with a rugged, electric truck. Amazon threw its full Bezos weight behind it with a pledge for 100,000 electric delivery vans. Ford dropped $500 million to get in on the action. And in 2021, Rivian IPO’d at a historic $86 billion valuation… making it, for about 48 hours, more valuable than both Ford and GM (despite deliver...
Let’s talk about America’s unofficial emergency fund… Walmart. The same place where you can buy a rotisserie chicken, a lawnmower, a wedding ring, and possibly a new set of tires all before noon. It’s basically the duct tape of the retail world (cheap, durable, and always there when the economy starts looking tired). And if you’ve been holding Walmart stock for the past decade, congrats… you’re doing well. Over the last 10 years, Walmart deliver...
SpaceX’s little brother just snagged their seat at the $5.6 billion dollar table—and surprisingly, they didn’t even have to sneak through the back door to get in. In short, the U.S. Space Force tapped Rocket Lab—alongside four other players—to compete for national security launch contracts under its National Security Space Launch program, Phase 3, Lane 1. Translation: Rocket Lab officially leveled up from small cubesat company to “we trust you to launch our mo...
If you were planning to throw money at CoreWeave’s IPO no matter what, because “AI is the future” and “Nvidia backs them, bro”... or if you were Johnny Raincloud in the corner saying, “Actually, the valuation seems a bit rich,” well… congratulations. You both get to high-five today. Somehow, this IPO managed to reward the optimists and the skeptics (a rare feat usually reserved for Tony Robbins). Let’s walk through how we got here. Co...
I’ve gotta hand it to them… GameStop’s first move this week actually made a lot of sense (for the position they were in). On Tuesday, they basically said, “Let’s stop pretending we sell video games and just become Michael Saylor,” hinting that Bitcoin was now the company’s true north star. The whole “digital transformation” thing took a backseat to let’s just make buying Bitcoin our entire business model. Honestly, I don&r...
Donnie Politics just pulled a “Did I say that? I don’t remember saying that” move as he is now apparently willing to reduce tariffs on China in exchange for getting Beijing’s blessing on a TikTok sale to an American company. Yes, you heard it here, friends. Our boy Teflon Don, who tried to ban TikTok outright, has now decided the app is so crucial to America’s future that he’s willing to hand China a tariff discount just to get a deal done. Bigly. ...
Sometimes it feels like companies map out billion-dollar strategies on bar napkins minutes before blasting them through a PR wire. Like someone at GameStop said, “What if we just bought a ton of Bitcoin?” and instead of laughing or asking basic questions like, “How would we pay for that?” the board nodded in unison and approved it. This week, that theory got a lot more real. Yesterday, GameStop stock jumped 12% completely on the back of a vague crypto promise an...
Lumen Technologies just got served a fat dose of reality after news broke that AT&T is in exclusive talks to buy its consumer fiber business for just over $5.5 billion—a number so underwhelming it made Lumen’s stock plunge 13% faster than a Wall Street Bets die hard realized his “diamond hands” were a terrible idea. (Source: Giphy) The main reason for the fallout is that investors were apparently hoping for something in the $6 billion to $9 billi...
You remember that scene in The Office where Oscar gets Andy drunk at The Red Bar on a business trip, convinces him to call his fiance (Angela), and ask why she won’t sleep with him? And the next morning, Oscar’s like, “I can’t believe you did that,” and Andy just stares off and goes, “I thought it was a dream.” That’s basically every automaker on the planet right now after Trump’s latest “economic liberation” stunt yesterda...
After nearly a decade of trying to make Family Dollar work, Dollar Tree is officially cutting its losses and selling the brand to private equity scambois—sorry, I mean, “investment firms”---Brigade Capital Management and Macellum Capital Management for $1 Billy. That’s a $7 billion L on the books, considering Dollar Tree originally bought Family Dollar for roughly $8.5 billion back in 2015. Spoiler: Yes, you do (Source: Giphy) If you’re wondering, &l...
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