So Uber just announced a long-term partnership with Volkswagen to roll out a fleet of self-driving electric vans in the U.S., and if that sentence didn’t make your eyes roll into the back of your head, then get ready… because there’s more. (Source: Giphy) In short, Uber isn’t building out its own tech with this. That ship sailed when it quietly sold off its Advanced Technologies Group to Aurora in 2020, after lighting billions of dollars on fire trying to...
Well, look at what the cat dragged in. Just one day after I make a Masa Son-Adam Neumann joke, Mr. Neumann said “Hold my beer”, and convinced another schuck to pump his ever loving bags. In short, Adam Neumann is back. Again. And somehow, impossibly, he's managed to convince people with real money—like, nine-zero money–that this time is different. (Source: Giphy) Flow, his post-WeWork redemption fantasy disguised as a residential real estate startup, j...
Most companies don’t mind when a billionaire starts buying up their stock. In fact, they usually treat it like a vote of confidence. Not Bausch Health. They're doing everything short of hanging a “No Billionaires Allowed” sign on the door. So much so that Bausch just adopted a shareholder rights plan (better known as a poison pill) designed to prevent any one investor from gaining control of the company without board approval. The plan automatically kicks in if anyon...
We all remember Motorola, right? The Father of the Razr and “Hello Moto”? The phone that peaked in 2006 and then vanished into the same tech graveyard where BlackBerry and dignity went to die? Yeah that one. Well, it now appears that Motorola just climbed out of the coffin and decided to get weird with AI. (Source: Giphy) On Thursday, Motorola made it official: it’s hooking up with Perplexity AI, the so-called “answer engine” that wants to murder Goo...
When Trump returned to the White House and started throwing around the “T-word” again (tariffs, in case you blacked it out of your mind) I figured Palantir would be the first tech company tossed into the political wood chipper. I mean, it’s a government contractor based in Silicon Valley, backed by Peter Thiel, and somehow manages to make both Republicans and Democrats uncomfortable. That's like being the guy who brings a bluetooth speaker to a funeral. Right now, mu...
I genuinely can’t remember the last time we had two back-to-back green days without immediately getting smacked by a recession headline or a rogue Fed comment. The only time it felt this peaceful was in a dream I had the other night… SPY was up 20% for the year, everyone was high-fiving, and I was checking my brokerage account on a beach in Antigua while sipping something that definitely wasn’t water. Then I woke up sweating and realized it was just a fever and I still had sev...
All we’ve heard lately is the negative side of Trump’s tariffs, the stuff about our investment accounts bleeding out like they got mugged behind a Walgreens. Some folks I know are down 50% (although, to be fair, putting your entire portfolio into nuclear energy stocks isn’t exactly the diversification masterclass Jack Bogle spent his lifetime preaching). But I don’t see very many people talking about the flipside, not all of these tariffs are just economic napalm....
I don’t know about you, but there have been a few times in my life where I nearly made a truly awful decision… like buying Nvidia and altcoins at all time highs. And when I bailed at the last second and then looked back months later I felt so relieved. That same wave of relief is probably washing over Honda executives right now. Earlier this year, Honda and Nissan were circling a $60 billion merger that would’ve created the world’s fourth-largest automaker. It was...
Well, it finally happened. Tesla just reported a 71% drop in net income. A - 20% plunge in automotive revenue, meanwhile delivery numbers saw its worst drop in company history. The best part? The EV market actually grew 7%. Which means it’s not the economy, it’s not the industry, and it’s sure as hell not “macro conditions”. It’s Tesla. More specifically, it’s Musk who is the problem. (Source: Giphy) But don’t worry, friends&m...
At some point, even the most loyal hype man runs out of excuses. I mean, being a Conor McGregor fan or a Dallas Cowboys diehard is basically a full-time job in denial (lots of big talk and a yearly reminder that maybe it's time to log off and touch some grass). And for Tesla, that “enough is enough” moment just arrived… delivered by none other than Dan Ives, Wall Street’s longtime Musk whisperer, who finally snapped and told Elon what Elon’s been barking at his...
Isn’t it funny how fast Wall Street’s mood swings? One minute we’re in full “sell everything, recession incoming, the sky is falling” mode… and the next, a half-baked rumor that Trump might maybe make a deal with China catapults stocks toward the sky. And here’s what’s hilarious… China literally came out and said, “Yeah, that’s not happening.” But the market didn’t care. It took one look at the rumor, said, &l...
We all know Trump has never been one to tiptoe around controversy. He’s all in on Big Oil, he’s made “drill, baby, drill” a policy centerpiece, and now… he’s bypassing the United Nations to drill for something else entirely: deep-sea minerals. Late Thursday night, while likely toggling between his crypto portfolio and firing off all-caps missives on Truth Social, Trump signed an executive order that throws open the ocean floor to American mining compan...
Well, the market just ripped for a third straight day and truthfully, nobody really cares to know why… especially after the hell we’ve been through over the last month. At this point, we’ll just take what we can get. And what we got was the S&P 500 closing up 2.03% to 5,484.77, Nasdaq jumping 2.74%, and the Dow managing to claw its way back above 40,000 for the first time since April. Bigly. (Source: Giphy) Why? Because tech finally decided it was don...
It’s been one day since Phillp Morris dropped its Q1 numbers, and let’s just say—Wall Street’s nicotine daddy is single handedly carrying the friggin’ team this week. The Stamford-based cigarette-slinging, nicotine-pouch-pushing beast posted $1.69 a share in adjusted earnings, blowing past the $1.61 estimate, which, by the way, was already optimistic. (Source: Giphy) And revenue? $9.3 billion. Beat again. And not surprising to anyone, Zyn is th...
Yesterday, the big reason stocks jumped for the second day in a row was because Trump and his administration were practically shouting from the rooftops “We’re definitely talking to China! Huge deal coming! It’s gonna be the most beautiful deal you’ve ever seen!” Kind of a “you give in a little, so will I” vibe. But it turns out that wasn’t true. At all. This morning less than 24 hours later, China walked out with a mic and pretty much said,...
I don’t know about you, but there have been a few times in my life where I nearly made a truly awful decision… like buying Nvidia and altcoins at all time highs. And when I bailed at the last second and then looked back months later I felt so relieved. That same wave of relief is probably washing over Honda executives right now. Earlier this year, Honda and Nissan were circling a $60 billion merger that would’ve created the world’s fourth-largest automaker. It was...
If you thought Wall Street was done trying to shotgun marry TradFi and crypto after FTX torched half the industry’s credibility and half of Tom Brady’s net worth, think again. Cantor Fitzgerald just said “hold my T-bills” and walked into the room with $3.6 billion in Bitcoin, two crypto cowboys, and a Japanese VC behemoth that once thought WeWork was a good idea (Spoiler: I will never let Masa Son live that down). (Source: Giphy) In short, Twenty One...
So it appears that Pony.AI just did its best impression of “trust us, bro” as they’re not only rolling out their seventh-gen autonomous driving system, but claim to hit mass production by mid-2025. Wall Street, of course, yeeted the stock north of 32% after hearing a promise that sounded more realistic than Elon’s robotaxi goals—but still, there’s only one problem: No one with a functioning frontal lobe is actually convinced they can pull this off. ...
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