Call your grandma and let her know that trip to Walgreens is officially cancelled. Because the (pharmacy) game done changed. Jeff Bezos’ global takeover operation (read: Amazon) just announced it’s expanding same-day prescription delivery to nearly 4,500 U.S. cities and towns by the end of 2026. That’s roughly 2,000 new communities, including full statewide coverage in Idaho and Massachusetts. In other words: if you can get a Prime package of protein powder and a knockoff...
God forbid Congress actually have a backbone for once… No matter which team you’re batting for (or if you’re just here for the popcorn) DC delivered an Academy Award level performance yesterday. Pam Blondie’s hearing didn’t exactly rewrite the history books. It did, however, turn half of Twitter into a confused thirst trap while the other half screamed about transparency. Politics, baby. The standout moment? When pressed on why she allegedly sat on the Epstei...
Today in “things that should come as a shock to literally no one”... Dolla Bill Ackman is once again putting his money where his mouth is. This time, it’s a disclosed position in Meta that now eats up roughly 10% of the Pershing fund. Translation: Apparently believing shares are discounted due to fears of AI overspending right after the same company closed its Metaverse department due to… *checks notes*... overspending, is fiduciary investing. (Sour...
Fun fact: My waist size and the size of McDonald's recent earnings are in direct correlation… Well, friends… It appears McDonald's just reminded everyone that America will absolutely budget for fries before it budgets for therapy. The house Ronald built put up a stellar showing of $7B in revenue vs. $6.84B expected while adjusted EPS came in at $3.12 vs. the $3.05 expected. Oh, and Global and U.S. comps absolutely mooned 5.7% and 6.8% respectively. “...
“I promise it won’t happen again…” -Hims CEO Andrew Dudum, knowing full well, it will in fact, happen again Well… turns out the Silicon Valley mantra of “move fast and break things” hits a little different when the thing you’re breaking is federal drug law. That lesson arrived quickly for Hims & Hers, which wasted no time slamming the eject button on its would-be Wegovy clone after Novo Nordisk and the U.S. Food and Drug Administration...
Live Footage of Elon in xAI’s headquarters this morning: In case you were wondering how Elon’s week is going… his OpenAI copycat, xAI, just lost its SIXTH co-founder. Sixth. As in more than half of the original 12-person founding squad is now gone. Jimmy Ba (who led research, safety, and enterprise) confirmed he’s out. Just days earlier, Tony Wu, the guy running xAI’s reasoning team, also bailed. A handful of other early architects have already drifted aw...
Chinese EV maker BYD, widely seen as Tesla’s biggest arch-nemesis, has filed a lawsuit against the U.S. government to recover tariffs paid under President Donald Trump and challenge the legal authority used to impose them. In court filings, BYD argues that the administration exceeded its authority by relying on the International Emergency Economic Powers Act to levy tariffs on imported goods. The company says the statute does not authorize border taxes, noting that the law does not expl...
“Just keep it in your pants Greg, and we’ll be just fine…” -Kroger board before the introductory press conference Alright, Midwesterners, you can breathe again. Every Walmart hater’s favorite grocery chain (and the undisputed champion of wholesome, heartland-coded commercials) officially has adult supervision back in the building. And trust me, you may be having a rough start to your week… but unless you're one of Elon’s baby mama’s...
Ever since Trump’s gotten into office, the White House has talked about “bringing chips home” like it’s a Home Depot weekend project. Just pour some concrete, slap up a fab, and boom… semiconductor independence. Well Taiwan just came out again and explained that’s not how this works. In a recent TV interview, Cheng Li-chiun, Taiwan’s vice premier and top trade negotiator, said U.S. requests to move 40% of the island’s semiconductor productio...
Allow me to predict tomorrow's headline: Bureau of Labor Statistics fat fingers total number of jobs created in the U.S. over the past year LOL A “blowout” January jobs print hit the tape and the market reaction was about as exciting as a Bad Bunny halftime show (read: not exciting). In short, the receipts show the Bureau of Labor Statistics dropped 130,000 nonfarm payrolls versus 55,000 expected while unemployment came in at 4.3%... touch better than the 4.4% forecast.&...
Allow me to predict tomorrow's headline: Bureau of Labor Statistics fat fingers total number of jobs created in the U.S. over the past year LOL A “blowout” January jobs print hit the tape and the market reaction was about as exciting as a Bad Bunny halftime show (read: not exciting). In short, the receipts show the Bureau of Labor Statistics dropped 130,000 nonfarm payrolls versus 55,000 expected while unemployment came in at 4.3%... touch better than the 4.4% forecast.&...
Teradata Corporation (NYSE: TDC) shares traded higher Wednesday after the company reported fourth-quarter results that exceeded analyst expectations and provided first-quarter and full-year guidance above consensus forecasts. For the fourth quarter, the company posted adjusted earnings per share of $0.74, surpassing estimates of $0.56. Revenue totaled $421 million, compared with consensus expectations of approximately $401 million. Annual recurring revenue reached $1.52 billion at quarter end...
The Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries reported a decline in crude production in January while leaving its global oil-demand projections unchanged in its latest monthly market report. Total output from the broader OPEC+ alliance fell by 439,000 barrels per day to 42.45 million barrels per day in January. Production from OPEC members alone declined by 135,000 barrels per day to 28.45 million barrels per day, according to secondary-source estimates cited in the report. Several me...
U.S. job growth came in stronger than expected to start 2026, offering a measure of relief after a year defined by weak hiring and growing concerns that the labor market was losing momentum. Nonfarm payrolls rose by 130,000 in January, according to seasonally adjusted data released by the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Economists surveyed by Dow Jones had been looking for just 55,000. The gain also marked a step up from December’s revised increase of 48,000. Unemployment eased to 4.3%,...
$SPOT didn’t hear no bell… So it appears Spotify just reminded everyone who actually owns the aux cord. And by that, I mean, they put on an absolute clinic in the name of public competitor execution (sup, Apple Music). (Source: X.com) In short, Revenue hit 4.53B euros, up 7% YoY, basically in line with estimates… but when you’re printing that kind of earnings leverage, nobody cares about a bean counting error on sales. As for net income, Spotify...
Live Footage of Elon in xAI’s headquarters this morning: In case you were wondering how Elon’s week is going… his OpenAI copycat, xAI, just lost its SIXTH co-founder. Sixth. As in more than half of the original 12-person founding squad is now gone. Jimmy Ba (who led research, safety, and enterprise) confirmed he’s out. Just days earlier, Tony Wu, the guy running xAI’s reasoning team, also bailed. A handful of other early architects have already drifted aw...
“These kids are just pure losers… I mean they don’t smoke, they help their wives take care of the kids, and they’re not even alcoholics anymore.” -some 65-year-old man from Alabama rage-posting on Facebook while triple-fisting Bud Lights Sure, Gen Z may doom-scroll TikTok for two hours before bed… but they’re also not crushing a 12-pack on a Tuesday. And that cultural detox is turning into a real hangover for Heineken. The Dutch brewing giant...
If you ever think you’re a bad parent… just remember Trump’s Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick once took his kids on vacation to Epstein’s island. If you couldn’t already tell from that opener, today’s market had about as much action as Bill Clinton got from Hillary after the infamous “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” line. After the chaos that kicked off what I’m now officially calling Fear-bruary, a boring tape hones...
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