Most of the time, when a politician buys a little stock… say, anything under six figures, I shrug and think “well, they must be broke.” No red flags. No story. Just another day of legally sketchy trading on Capitol Hill. But sometimes, that thinking does us dirty. Real dirty. Because sometimes… a $15,000 trade ends up whispering about a $10 billion deal. That’s where Marjorie Taylor Greene struts in… yes, that MTG. The CrossFit-loving, conspiracy-spe...
You can’t make this up… If UnitedHealth didn’t have enough reasons to be yeeted into the abyss, we’ve officially added another one. A group of shareholders is now suing UnitedHealth, claiming the company “materially misled” them by sticking to its 2025 earnings guidance after CEO Brian Thompson was shot and killed in the streets of NYC. (Source: The Guardian) The lawsuit, filed in the Southern District of New York, argues that UNH sho...
Love to see it. Pinterest is on fire this morning as share’s soared 15% after-hours because the company that used to be a digital vision board for suburban moms and wedding planners has now convinced Wall Street that it’s the new shopping mecca for Gen Z. (Source: Giphy) In short, Pinterest dropped their Q1 earnings, and while it wasn’t a blowout quarter, it was no-doubt good enough. Revenue came in at $855 million, a modest beat. EPS missed, but no one ca...
So it appears Krispy Kreme just got bodybagged by reality, friends. Shares of $DNUT cratered 24% on Thursday, in one of the most unfortunate faceplants we’ve seen since Bud Light tried to rebrand itself as the world’s favorite punching bag. Why? Because they’ve officially paused their strategic rollout with McDonald’s to single-handedly increase America’s obesity rate by 5x. (Source: Giphy) In short, last year, Krispy Kreme and McDonald’s...
Here’s a not so shocking truth about government policy: the rules usually apply to you, me, and maybe your cousin Kyle… who’s still trying to write off his OnlyFans subscription as a “business expense.” But when you’re a $2.5 trillion tech monster with 77% control of the AI chip market and a CEO who practically speaks in strategy memos? You don’t follow the rules… you adjust them until they work in your favor. And that’s exactly what Nvidia...
Call your dad and call your grandpa because their numero uno shoe (read: Skechers) is officially getting taken private. And today, Wall Street just laced up its own fresh pair of shape-ups and sprinted 25% higher on the news. In short, 3G capital, the the Brazilian private equity death squad known for gutting budgets, firing middle management by the hundreds, and turning sleepy consumer brands into cash flow-optimized vending machines (see:Kraft Heinz, Burger King, and every soul th...
We are so cooked… CrowdStrike just did what every other CEO’s been quietly fantasizing about while pretending to “empower teams” on LinkedIn: they took the AI baton and sprinted straight into a layoff memo. 500 employees… gone… courteously of the efficient nod to “advances in AI”. And while most CEOs beat around the bush with this stuff (think: reskilling or digital transformation), CrowdStrike CEO, George Flinch went straight for the throat....
You ever have that one friend who used to be... rough? Like, truly rough. Hair looked like it lost a fight with a lawnmower, acne doing numbers on their confidence, smelled like a middle school locker room, couldn’t hold a convo to save their life… and then boom. Out of nowhere, they hit the gym, start using moisturizer, learn what a fade is, and suddenly they’re “talking to someone” with a wink? If you can’t tell, I have, and that’s basically what happ...
The fun thing about earnings season is that it’s like report card day for grown-ups. The not fun part is that sometimes it reminds you you're not as special as you thought. Just ask Alex Karp. After spending the last year on a never-ending high (complete with wild hair and an open disdain for shortsellers), Palantir’s CEO finally had to face a little thing called valuation gravity. The company beat Q1 revenue estimates (pulling in $884 million) and reminded everyone it'...
Welp, Trump opened his mouth, name-dropped the U.K., and suddenly the market remembered it still gets off on trade deals. And get off it did, with the receipts as follows: Dow +0.6%. S&P +0.6%, and Nasdaq up 1.07% (thank Gawd it wasn’t another 0.6%). (Source: Giphy) In short, Donnie Politics went “full and comprehensive” mode and the market collectively licked it up for all it was worth. Why? Because this wasn’t about the U.K. signing a deal. Tha...
Ever been so unprepared for a test you suddenly start acting like you’ve been best friends with the kid who color-codes his notebooks and voluntarily takes extra credit quizzes? It can’t be just me who’s done that… Anyways, that was Coinbase during earnings… wildly unprepared and praying Bitcoin would bail them out like the nerdy kid who’s too nice to say no. Q1 was… let’s say underwhelming. They reported earnings of just $0.24 per share....
Here’s a not so shocking truth about government policy: the rules usually apply to you, me, and maybe your cousin Kyle… who’s still trying to write off his OnlyFans subscription as a “business expense.” But when you’re a $2.5 trillion tech monster with 77% control of the AI chip market and a CEO who practically speaks in strategy memos? You don’t follow the rules… you adjust them until they work in your favor. And that’s exactly what Nvidia...
Welp, Trump opened his mouth, name-dropped the U.K., and suddenly the market remembered it still gets off on trade deals. And get off it did, with the receipts as follows: Dow +0.6%. S&P +0.6%, and Nasdaq up 1.07% (thank Gawd it wasn’t another 0.6%). (Source: Giphy) In short, Donnie Politics went “full and comprehensive” mode and the market collectively licked it up for all it was worth. Why? Because this wasn’t about the U.K. signing a deal. Tha...
We are so cooked… CrowdStrike just did what every other CEO’s been quietly fantasizing about while pretending to “empower teams” on LinkedIn: they took the AI baton and sprinted straight into a layoff memo. 500 employees… gone… courteously of the efficient nod to “advances in AI”. And while most CEOs beat around the bush with this stuff (think: reskilling or digital transformation), CrowdStrike CEO, George Flinch went straight for the throat....
When the FTX empire collapsed back in 2022 (which feels like yesterday), the internet grabbed its pitchforks and demanded blood. And not just from Sam Bankman-Fried or Caroline Ellison (his “maybe girlfriend, maybe finance goblin,” depending on which court sketch you saw). No, people wanted a celebrity purge. Tom Brady. Steph Curry. Larry “I Told You So” David. Kevin “Shark Tank” O’Leary. Naomi Osaka. Shohei Ohtani. The list of FTX endorsers was l...
Have you ever had a new manager walk into the office and immediately rearrange everyone’s desks just to “make it their own”? That’s pretty much how U.S. presidencies work now. Doesn’t matter if the last guy’s plan was working or not… straight to the shredder. Obama had Obamacare (which no matter which way you lean, you have to admit was a disaster), Trump tried to get rid of it. Biden came in like Bob the Builder, patched things up, and now Trump’...
AppLovin just took a blowtorch to its mobile gaming unit, lit a cigar with the cash, and then tried to merge with TikTok like it’s not already neck-deep in a national security pissing contest. That’s where we are now. A glorified ad tech company with a history of peddling Sudoku knockoffs just told ByteDance to slide over and let Daddy drive LOL. (Source: Giphy) But first, let’s talk about AppLovin’s earnings. Short story, they crushed it. $1.67 per...
SPONSORED by Scantech AI Systems Inc. ScanTech AI Eliminates $30M in Legacy Debt with Equity Restricted Shares, Strengthening Balance Sheet and Protecting Stockholder Value $30M Debt-to-Equity Conversions Fortify Balance Sheet, Supporting Strategic Growth and Stockholder Value May 08, 2025 09:15 ET | Source: ScanTech AI Systems Inc. Atlanta, GA, May 08, 2025 (GLOBE NEWSWIRE) -- ScanTech AI Systems Inc. (the "Company" or "ScanTech AI") (Nasdaq: STAI)...
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