“Tell your friends I don’t want a lot. Just enough to wet my beak.” Jensen Huang, probably Jensen Huang has a fever, and the only prescription is to back up the brinks truck to get his Star Trek on. In short, Obi-Huang-Kenobi & Co. (read: Nvidia) are cutting not one… but two… $2B checks to Lumentum and Coherent (both photonic companies) for multi-year strategic agreements with multi-billion dollar purchase commitments baked in, plus future capacity ri...
Next week, Jamie Dimon and the crew at JPMorgan are expected to start pitching investors on a roughly $20 billion debt raise to fund the $55 billion buyout of Electronic Arts (commonly known as EA Sports), according to reports. The deal, led by Silver Lake Management, Saudi Arabia’s Public Investment Fund and Affinity Partners, ranks among the largest private equity transactions in years. The launch comes at a more fragile moment for markets. Escalating tensions in the Middle East have...
And just like that, 3,748 ecom and trading “gurus” from America cancelled their spring break trip to the world’s safest city (read: Dubai). If you thought booking a middle seat next to a screaming 2 year old enroute to Orlando was painful, try being an airline CFO this morning. Sidenote: if you’ve got a vacation planned overseas anytime in the next month… it might be time to price out that refund and reacquaint yourself with your office chair. Because afte...
“You really thought even the President of the US could defeat me…” (1 trillion Claude bots proceed to laugh in evil villain) In a plot twist that feels ripped straight out of a 2012 Tumblr rebellion, Anthropic’s Claude just snagged the No. 1 spot on Apple’s top free U.S. apps list… immediately after the U.S. government tried to clip its wings. Who needs paid acquisition when you can cause a federal freakout. On Saturday, Claude leapfrogged to the top o...
“Those are rookie numbers in this racket” - Nancy Pelosi, probably… Well if you want another reminder that plebs like you and I continue to get shafted without even knowing it… Benjamin Taylor, the former Moelis banker who allegedly fed deal tips into a global insider-trading ring, is finally coming home to take his medicine. After years living comfortably in France… which doesn’t extradite its citizens… he’s agreed to return to...
“You really thought even the President of the US could defeat me…” (1 trillion Claude bots proceed to laugh in evil villain) In a plot twist that feels ripped straight out of a 2012 Tumblr rebellion, Anthropic’s Claude just snagged the No. 1 spot on Apple’s top free U.S. apps list… immediately after the U.S. government tried to clip its wings. Who needs paid acquisition when you can cause a federal freakout. On Saturday, Claude leapfrogged to the top o...
How it feels to know we’re never getting rate cuts again… Well it’s Friday, and once again investors are heading into the weekend to touch some grass (I’ll leave it up to your imagination to know which grass). The reason? Inflation dropped it like it’s hot and the whole market went to shat. The receipts are as follows: Headline PPI printed at 0.5% for January against expectations of 0.3%. Meanwhile, Core PPI hit 0.8% which was more than the 0.3% our bean c...
OpenAI on Friday announced a $110 billion funding round, marking the largest private capital raise in history and underscoring the scale of investment now flowing into artificial intelligence infrastructure. The round includes $50 billion from Amazon, $30 billion from Nvidia and $30 billion from SoftBank. The financing values the company at roughly $840 billion pre-money, a sharp increase from its $500 billion valuation in a secondary transaction last October. Additional investors are expecte...
eBay is cutting staff again (about 800 roles, or roughly 6% of its workforce) as it reshapes the company around artificial intelligence and what it calls “strategic priorities.” The reductions span the company and are described as an effort to reinvest resources and reduce duplication. In practice, that means some teams will shrink while others (particularly those tied to AI) receive more support and funding. “We are taking steps to reinvest across our business and align...
Jensen Huang: Despite the Trumpster cockblocking us from the gold mine that is Chinese revenue… we still nearly doubled our profits. Are you not entertained? Wall Street: Best I can do is a $250 billion selloff and unreasonable expectations. Well… I’m beginning to suspect that a Nvidia earnings day (no matter how violently impressive the numbers are) now automatically triggers a sell button somewhere deep inside Wall Street’s reptile brain. And luckily for...
“Those are rookie numbers in this racket” - Nancy Pelosi, probably… Well if you want another reminder that plebs like you and I continue to get shafted without even knowing it… Benjamin Taylor, the former Moelis banker who allegedly fed deal tips into a global insider-trading ring, is finally coming home to take his medicine. After years living comfortably in France… which doesn’t extradite its citizens… he’s agreed to return to...
OpenAI said Friday it reached an agreement with the U.S. Department of Defense to allow its artificial intelligence models to operate within the department’s classified network under specified technical safeguards. Chief Executive Sam Altman disclosed the arrangement in a post on X, stating the contract incorporates restrictions on domestic mass surveillance and requires human responsibility for the use of force, including in autonomous weapons systems. He said those principles are refl...
“Would you like to form an alliance?” -Dwight Schrute Jensen Huang 5G barely finished installing itself in your neighborhood… and Jensen is already redecorating 6G. While the rest of the world is zeroed in on the war in the middle east… Nvidia announced it’s teaming up with telecom big dogs like Nokia, SoftBank Group, and T-Mobile to make sure the next generation of wireless networks is built for AI from Day One. Translation: the next “G” will no...
Oil markets are heading into the new week with a fresh layer of uncertainty after the joint U.S.-Israeli strike on Iran raised the stakes in the Middle East. At the center of it all is the Strait of Hormuz… a narrow waterway that carries a massive share of the world’s energy supply. For instance, roughly one-third of global seaborne crude exports, or more than 14 million barrels per day, pass through the strait. Around 20% of the world’s liquefied natural gas shipments m...
“Dad… how big of a disappointment was Berkshire Hathaway during Warren Buffett’s last dance?” Me: I’ve got to say, when the ole “Oracle” announced his retirement tour… I was expecting something more reminiscent of Jordan’s Last Dance… instead we got the financial version of Biden’s last year as President. Needless to say, the final Q4 numbers for 2025 are officially in… and boy did they sh*t the bed. How...
How it feels to know we’re never getting rate cuts again… Well it’s Friday, and once again investors are heading into the weekend to touch some grass (I’ll leave it up to your imagination to know which grass). The reason? Inflation dropped it like it’s hot and the whole market went to shat. The receipts are as follows: Headline PPI printed at 0.5% for January against expectations of 0.3%. Meanwhile, Core PPI hit 0.8% which was more than the 0.3% our bean c...
UBS (NYSE: UBS) downgraded U.S. equities to “benchmark” in its fully invested global portfolio, citing weakening currency dynamics, elevated valuations and increased policy uncertainty. Andrew Garthwaite, the bank’s head of global equity strategy, said the forces that supported years of U.S. stock outperformance are diminishing. A central concern is the outlook for the U.S. dollar. UBS expects the euro to rise to $1.22 by the end of the first quarter and warned of “asy...
OpenAI on Friday announced a $110 billion funding round, marking the largest private capital raise in history and underscoring the scale of investment now flowing into artificial intelligence infrastructure. The round includes $50 billion from Amazon, $30 billion from Nvidia and $30 billion from SoftBank. The financing values the company at roughly $840 billion pre-money, a sharp increase from its $500 billion valuation in a secondary transaction last October. Additional investors are expecte...
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