Well, Google just set its pile of cash on fire in the most high-energy way imaginable…by signing the first direct commercial deal for nuclear fusion. Yes, really. The tech behemoth is about to start powering search results and deep fakes with the same science that holds the universe together. (Source: Giphy) In short, nuclear fusion is the holy grail of energy… fusing hydrogen atoms until they start acting like a Coachella crowd and releasing truly disgusting...
Robinhood is back on its degenerate B.S. as they’ve just pulled a “look what you can’t have” stunt on American investors: launching tokenized shares of OpenAI and SpaceX for users in Europe. The stock popped nearly 13% on the news, presumably because nothing gets investors more horned up than the prospect of finally getting a taste of the private equity pie. Meanwhile, U.S. users… Well, they can kick rocks with this rollout. (Source: Giphy) In...
Back in 2020, there was an analyst at the company I worked at who was completely fixated on one idea: air taxis. He genuinely believed that in just a few short years, we’d all be skipping traffic by booking on-demand flying vehicles like they were Ubers. Not only that, he was convinced this was the next big investment opportunity. He would pitch early-stage companies building electric vertical takeoff and landing (eVTOL) aircraft… companies with no revenue, no FAA approval, a...
Hey Siri, define “desperate”... Tim Apple has finally caved as he’s signaled that the next big thing out of Cupertino might be… a licensing agreement that might finally make Siri less useless, but only by admitting they can’t actually do it themselves. Translation: According to Bloomberg, the company’s latest “innovation” is calling up OpenAI and Anthropic for help. (Source: Giphy) In short, Apple is deep in talks wi...
In case you missed it, BigBear.ai just ripped 45% this week, and if you’re wondering why, it’s because investors apparently love nothing more than a company that can scan your face at JFK and sell AI snake oil to the Pentagon in the same quarter. Shares are now up 300% over the last 12 months. Bigly. (Source: Giphy) In short, Tuesday, BigBear announced its biometric ID software (thanks to the Pangiam acquisition that cost BigBear $70 million last year) is now be...
Fox News might want to start offering frequent flier miles for courtroom visits… because once again, they’ve landed themselves in legal hot water. This time, it’s not Dominion or Smartmatic knocking on their door with a stack of subpoenas. Nope, the latest lawsuit comes courtesy of California Governor Gavin Newsom… who apparently found just enough free time between running the country’s most dysfunctional state and launching his deeply necessary podcast to sue Fox...
Just as the market was settling into cruise control heading into July, Canada tossed a wrench into the engine. The S&P 500 and Nasdaq were at fresh all-time highs, traders were feeling themselves, and the emotion was full-on “nothing can stop us now.” And then… Canada happened. With zero sense of timing, Ottawa decided to roll out a 3% digital services tax aimed squarely at U.S. tech giants (Amazon, Meta, Google, Netflix) you know, the companies responsible for 97%...
Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Bezos, Jensen Huang… name a tech CEO and odds are they haven’t clenched this hard since the 2021 antitrust hearings (aka the last time Congress remembered they existed). That’s because the Senate just executed their favorite part of Trump’s $3.3 trillion tax-and-spending bill… a decade-long ban on states regulating artificial intelligence. Yeah, that’s gone now. (Source: Reuters) In a late-night legislative marathon known as vot...
Once upon a time, crypto was the rebellion. A digital middle finger to Wall Street, printed money, and every white collar family’s Fidelity account. It was built by idealists, coders, and let’s be honest… mostly by virgins living in their parents’ basements, pounding Mountain Dew and dreaming of a decentralized utopia where every coin served a purpose. Well, fast forward to present time and Bitcoin is sitting in a penthouse, sipping digital scotch, while the rest of cryp...
If you’re not a Stocks.News premium member, where let’s be honest, you’ve been tracking congressional grifters in real time while everyone else is still trading off TikTok rumors… congrats peasants, Wall Street just handed you the next best thing. And it didn’t even require a Super PAC donation. Why? Because the GRFT ETF (yes, that’s the actual ticker, and yes, America is cooked) is here to let you chase the same political insider trades as the lizard people...
If you spent more than five minutes online yesterday, you’ve probably seen the latest beef between Elon Musk and Donald Trump. Trump’s been threatening to unleash something called the Department of Government Efficiency (yes, DOGE, and yes, that’s real) on Musk’s companies, while Musk has threatened to launch a new political party (the “America Party”) and primary every lawmaker who backed Trump’s $3.3 trillion spending bill. Oh, and he also called the G...
Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Bezos, Jensen Huang… name a tech CEO and odds are they haven’t clenched this hard since the 2021 antitrust hearings (aka the last time Congress remembered they existed). That’s because the Senate just executed their favorite part of Trump’s $3.3 trillion tax-and-spending bill… a decade-long ban on states regulating artificial intelligence. Yeah, that’s gone now. (Source: Reuters) In a late-night legislative marathon known as vot...
If you thought renting a car was already a soul-draining exercise in corporate gaslighting, Hertz just cranked the dial to 11. The rental king is now letting ts new AI-powered UVeye scanners hunt for “damage” with all the subtlety of a TSA agent on steroids… where the only thing getting violated is your checking account. (Source: Giphy) In short, a former Hertz customer, we’ll call him Steve (not his real name, presumably because he’s in witness pro...
Someone back up the brinks truck, because we’re all swimming in dolla bills…. Today was nothing short of another day, another record. The S&P 500 just closed at 6,204.95, notching yet another ATH and daring shorts to do something about it. The Nasdaq tagged along with its own fresh ATH of 20,369.73, while the Dow hauled itself 275 points higher. Bigly. (Source: Giphy) If you haven’t noticed yet, the market is in full main character mode and it does...
Well it looks like Disney is back in Wall Street’s good graces, which is saying something considering the last five years have been a masterclass in corporate self-sabotage. And yet, Jefferies analyst, James Heaney, just upgraded the stock to “Buy,” slapped a $144 price target on it (16% upside from current levels), and basically told everyone still holding a grudge from the Bob Chapek era to get over themselves and buy the f*cking mouse. (Source: Giphy) S...
If you’re not a Stocks.News premium member, where let’s be honest, you’ve been tracking congressional grifters in real time while everyone else is still trading off TikTok rumors… congrats peasants, Wall Street just handed you the next best thing. And it didn’t even require a Super PAC donation. Why? Because the GRFT ETF (yes, that’s the actual ticker, and yes, America is cooked) is here to let you chase the same political insider trades as the lizard people...
Well, well, well… look who decided to rally. Despite a geopolitical hurricane “to the likes of which we’ve never seen,” Trump’s neverending obsession with tariffs, and Moody’s devastating (or so we all thought at the time) downgrade, the Treasury market just wrapped up its best month since February… and its strongest first half in five years. Not exactly what you'd expect with the world wobbling on three different axes of chaos, but hey, bond trade...
Once upon a time, crypto was the rebellion. A digital middle finger to Wall Street, printed money, and every white collar family’s Fidelity account. It was built by idealists, coders, and let’s be honest… mostly by virgins living in their parents’ basements, pounding Mountain Dew and dreaming of a decentralized utopia where every coin served a purpose. Well, fast forward to present time and Bitcoin is sitting in a penthouse, sipping digital scotch, while the rest of cryp...
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