“Wait, y’all are making money?” - The Dow, probably (Source: Imgflip) Aaaand we’re back folks. The S&P 500 did the shimmy today with a new record as Big Tech did what Big Tech does best: levitating reality (Read: Apple and Microsoft pumped). Meanwhile, the Dow… well, it was stuck in the corner coughing up blood. Case in point: The Dow fell out of its a$$ by 400 points because health insurers got guillotined by Donnie Deals. United...
Health insurers saw heavy selling pressure after the federal government released preliminary Medicare Advantage payment rates that came in well below Wall Street’s expectations. The proposal from the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services points to a 0.09% average increase for 2027, a sharp contrast to the 4% to 6% gain analysts had been forecasting. Shares across the managed-care sector dropped quickly as investors recalibrated earnings assumptions. Humana led the declines, fa...
“Some of you may die… but that’s a sacrifice Claude’s willing to make…” -Pinterest CEO Bill Ready It seems as if Claudebot hype has made its way into the corporate circles pretty quickly… and Pinterest is wasting no time to toss desks out of the office window. The depressed mood board maker announced it's laying off less than 15% of its workforce and shrinking office space in a move it’s calling a “resource reallocation” to...
Nike Just Put “Just Do It” on a PIP Somewhere in Oregon, a warehouse robot just got promoted… and 775 Nike employees got an email. In short, Nike decided this week was a great time to “accelerate automation” at its U.S. distribution centers… presumably with Clawdbot LOL (jk). The cuts are hitting Tennessee and Mississippi warehouses, aka the part of the company that actually touches boxes instead of Minesweeper. (Source: Giphy) Now i...
President Donald Trump said mineral access is being considered as part of talks involving Greenland, a development that could reduce China’s role in rare earth supply chains. Trump made the comments while speaking at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, after meeting with NATO leaders. He said the framework would involve security cooperation and mineral access for the United States and its partners, though he did not provide details on how it would be structured or which coun...
Health insurers saw heavy selling pressure after the federal government released preliminary Medicare Advantage payment rates that came in well below Wall Street’s expectations. The proposal from the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services points to a 0.09% average increase for 2027, a sharp contrast to the 4% to 6% gain analysts had been forecasting. Shares across the managed-care sector dropped quickly as investors recalibrated earnings assumptions. Humana led the declines, fa...
The Trump administration is preparing to make its largest investment yet in the U.S. rare earth sector, with plans to acquire a stake in USA Rare Earth Inc. (NASDAQ: USAR) in a deal valued at roughly $1.6 billion, according to a report from the Financial Times. Under the reported terms, the U.S. government would take a 10% equity position in the Oklahoma-based miner, which controls domestic deposits of heavy rare earth elements — materials viewed as increasingly strategic for defense sy...
Homeowner with Gas Heat: All you poors that have heat pumps (read: electric heat) are gonna be screwed… Natural Gas prices: Who’s gonna tell him? For all you peeps who thought the worst thing about this historic snow would be having to shovel your driveway twice and having to use your hotspot to work on your computer (me right now)... winter clearly had other plans. U.S. natural gas prices skyrocketed nearly 20% overnight as an Arctic blast torpedoed supply, spike...
Jamie Dimon’s POV finna be like (courtesy of Trump)... (Source: Reddit Jamie Dimon should’ve stuck to yelling at interns and selling CDs to boomers… because Donnie “Don’t F*ck With Me” just filed a $5 billion lawsuit against JPMorgan Chase and Dimon personally over the whole post–Jan. 6 “debanking” situation. And yes, this is exactly as petty as it sounds. According to the lawsuit, JPM allegedly closed multiple Trump-relat...
Fidelity Investments just dodged a potentially ugly technology standoff. The asset management giant said Friday it has settled a lawsuit with Broadcom over access to software Fidelity described as essential to keeping its systems running. The agreement brings an end to a legal fight that raised concerns about outages, frozen accounts, and trading disruptions across one of the largest financial platforms in the world. The dispute dates back to Broadcom’s 2023 acquisition of VMware, wh...
GM is putting the “Suburban” in Suburban Moms… General Motors dropped Q4 earnings this morning, and let’s just say Ford’s “Newman” just put Detroit back on the map. (Source: Giphy) “What’s good for General Motors is good for America” they all say. In short, GM printed $2.51 EPS vs. $2.28 expected, EBIT came in hot, and free cash flow stayed thick. Revenue technically dipped YoY, but nobody cared because t...
“I want you to go ahead and put the word out that we back up…” -Kelly Ortberg If you’ve had the cojones to hold onto Boeing through the last 5 years of crashes (literal and financial), congressional hearings, door panels trying to imitate frisbees, and a $40 billion cash bonfire… then today is your long awaited and much deserved award. Because the Greyhound of the sky just dropped numbers and looked Wall Street dead in the eye like, “Are you not...
“I’m in danger…” - me as I literally write this introduction for the week The S&P 500 popped on Monday while traders did that thing where they pretend they’re calm… but you can literally see the fear sweat dripping through the screen. Everyone’s bracing for a week that’s basically earnings + Fed decision + political chaos… aka the holy trinity of “don’t ask me how my portfolio is doing.” Live look at me on Frida...
With Roaring Kitty largely absent from the picture, GameStop is getting a look from one of Wall Street’s most famous skeptics. Shares climbed more than 8% at one point to start the week after investor Michael Burry disclosed that he’s been buying the stock. Rather than pitching a return of meme-stock chaos, Burry framed the move as a long-term value bet tied to the company’s balance sheet and leadership. Burry, best known for betting against the U.S. housing market ahead...
Microsoft (NASDAQ: MSFT) announced the launch of its newest in-house AI chip, Maia 200, positioning it as a high-performance “silicon workhorse” built to scale AI inference, which is the process of running models in production, faster and more efficiently. The Maia 200 follows Microsoft’s Maia 100, which debuted in 2023, and comes as major AI players increasingly focus on inference as a growing driver of cost and infrastructure strain. While training large models remains exp...
Ahhh sh*t, here we go again… In case you missed it, or “exploring ungodly amounts of creativity” with your AI character (sup, Zuck)... Trump just threatened Canada with a 100% tariff if Prime Minister Mark Carney makes a trade deal with China. Gimme that TACO, baby! (Source: Giphy) In short, Trump doesn’t want Canada to “maybe, kinda” help China. And his logic is simple: China + Canada deal = China tries to sneak goods into the U.S. t...
“What’s the worst that can happen?” - Zuck before launching AI Characters… Spoiler: A lot. Meta just hit the brakes on teens talking to AI “characters”... a.k.a., the not your daddys ChatGPT like chatbot with personalities that exist purely to keep your child emotionally attached to it. (Source: Giphy) In short, starting in the “coming weeks,” teens won’t be able to access Meta’s AI charact...
As the internet argues about whether Grok, ChatGPT, or Claude has the biggest brain (Claude clears), Jensen Huang is busy proving the AI boom is basically one giant closed-loop money machine… and Nvidia sits dead center. This week’s episode includes Nvidia “investing” $2 billion into CoreWeave. And by investing, I mean the money barely had time to stretch its legs before turning around and coming straight back as GPU revenue (allegedly). As soon as the news...
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